Going to the Concert
(Added 1/30/2009)
At the organization where I work we don't have natural partners, such as alumni, and therefore I'm creating relationships from scratch. I strive to get to know my donors' interests, to keep them informed, and to plain old keep in touch, but there's an aspect to the process that feels artificial: it's not really a "relationship" in the traditional way we view relationships, and sometimes I feel they cross a professional boundary. For example, a donor couple has invited me to join them at a concert. I feel uncomfortable (that good old belly test), even though I would very much enjoy the event, I would genuinely enjoy the donors' company, and it would further the relationship. What is appropriate?
Many organizations don't have what you describe as natural relationships, yet, even though you have to work harder than those that do, such as colleges and universities, the relationships that you do create are still very real.
In either case, the question of getting too close is always an issue. In the situation you describe, though, there's nothing wrong with going to the concert. Even if your hosts pay, they are asking you as their guest. Why should you avoid what a neighbor or friend can enjoy just because you represent an organization they support - or because you want them to support it? Being a planned giving officer doesn't mean you have to give up what you appropriately enjoy. The problem would have more potential for complication if it were the other way around: if you invited them all over the place, spending money on them in hopes they will support your organization.
The ideas of "balance" and "appropriate" in ethics are subjective, not easily defined and not defined the same for everyone. If you met these people through your position you want to be careful that you don't personally benefit inappropriately. But the cost of concert tickets, while high these days, certainly won't assuage any guilt built up because someone doesn't make a charitable gift. As they are donors, however, the occasional time together should pose no problem. And, if you're concerned about being bought, the price of concert tickets is pretty paltry ransom for a seat on the board or other major perks that your organization might offer. (As question of cost, as I presume you wouldn't have any problem accepting a free cup of coffee at their home.)
If the feeling in your belly makes you uncomfortable, by all means feel free to insist on paying your share or to decline. If they wonder why, you should be prepared to explain. You need say no more than "It doesn't feel right to accept such a generous gift from you." It may hurt their feelings - generous people like other people to enjoy the generosity - but forthright honesty, despite its potential for awkwardness, is almost always the best policy. Perhaps developing a written policy on this point where you work could help you in the future. If you do that, you would be able to say that your organization's policies don't permit a gift of any kind.